This book was a contradiction. It was dark, it was light. It was swoon-worthy and it had its cringe moments. It was about a deeply serious topic, yet there were moments I was literally laughing out loud.
At age 14, while a freshman in high school, Jess Jordan attended a party. She got drunk, or was she drugged? Or both? She was almost raped. Now three years later, she’s suffering debilitating nightmares. Afraid to sleep, she’s living off of energy drinks and daytime power naps. She wants to be normal. She craves it. She thinks she’s getting there, almost. But when everyone is holding a secret around you, finding your normal is a difficult struggle.
“A boyfriend, love, and any sort of normal relationship is not for me. I’m not allowed to have that. If I were, I’d have cured myself long ago.”
Gray Porter is her perfect fake boyfriend. Well, sort of. Except that despite the deal they struck, they have both fallen for one another. Oh, and he is holding a secret that has the potential to both destroy their relationship and her.
This was a powerfully written book about the struggles of bad choices, “almosts”, lies and secrets. What happens when everyone sweeps things under a rug and pretends things didn’t happen or doesn’t want to deal with it with the hopes of just moving on?
“Almost. Thank God. Almost. Nothing happened, right?”
“I never lied. I just couldn’t figure out how to tell you the whole truth without losing you. Without hurting you. I couldn’t bear either option.”
There’s a ripple effect. An avalanche. And when the rug is pulled away, hopefully there will be someone there to hold you up so you don’t fall, and drown.